These people always demonstrate that loyalty throughout their lives, and even after losing someone, they honor that loyalty. Personally, I strive to cherish those who have done me good and helped me, and I always want to repay them at the first opportunity. This is natural behavior for me, a natural part of my nature. Until a few years ago, I used to think that others were like me, but now my opinion has changed. If you ask me what the people of our country, which holds so much beauty, are like, I can easily say, based on my experience, that the vast majority perceive ‘vefa’ as a district name. For those who don’t know, let me quickly explain (as stated in Wikipedia): Vefa is an old district located on the historical peninsula within the city walls of Istanbul. Located within the borders of Fatih and administratively corresponding to the ‘Molla Hüsrev’ neighborhood. Famous for its boza, the district is also known for its Vefa Sports Club. The historic Vefa High School, which still operates today, is located in this district. Suleymaniye Mosque and Vefa Church are situated in this district.
A photo of the Vefa neighborhood in Istanbul
The use of ‘Vefa’ simply as a neighborhood name is the same everywhere; you won’t see any difference in terms of loyalty between urban and rural areas. Frankly, in this world we live in, no one cares about anyone else; there’s a serious deterioration in the entire chain of values that make us human. I can easily say that loyalty, which holds a significant place among these values, is disappearing along with the increasing selfishness of humanity.
I’m still relatively young, but I can say that in many ways, I share the experiences of those in my father’s generation. I’ve seen, heard, spoken, and shared a lot. Nothing surprises me very much anymore.
I’ve witnessed the disloyalty of those closest to me, and I’ve witnessed the disloyalty of those relatively distant from me. Let me give you some examples.
I’ve directly contributed to the development of close relatives who were experiencing real problems within their families by both mentoring and providing financial support. I was generally successful, but sometimes I wasn’t. Looking back on those close to me who didn’t benefit from my mentorship, I see that they often disobeyed my instructions (with all due respect, I can’t be modest about this). When I initiated this initiative, I made the first requirement, “You will not disobey me. You will listen and implement what I say, even if you struggle, no matter the circumstances.” Everyone who followed this principle achieved success in life. We faced some very challenging times. There were many who cried, complained constantly, and said, “I can’t do this.” However, our rebellious daughters, who couldn’t get out of bed at noon and didn’t want to go to school, quickly established careers as international hotel managers and interior designers. I’m also very happy that many of them are now sought-after managers in their respective professions and have found happiness. I’m very proud of them. About five years ago, I was chatting with a close relative and, knowing my reputation within the family, she asked for my help. I said I would be happy to help. We discussed the requirements she needed to meet for me to support her, and after agreeing on this, I asked her my now-classic first question: “What excites you? What do you really want to do in life?”
Unlike other relatives, she clearly knew what she wanted to do. That made my job relatively easier, and we developed a detailed plan in one session. When she told me she greatly enjoyed designing, we set our sights high, as always, and discussed the best design schools. Ultimately, her top priority was Parsons University in New York. We submitted the applications as required, prioritizing Parsons.
I, too, had once particularly wanted to study at McGill University in Canada. I have a wonderful story about this, which I’ll share later. I know how important it is to attend a school you truly want to attend.
And my dear close relative was finally accepted to Parsons University. At the time, I was determined to support her in every way, so I ignored the criticisms from my family members, asking, “Why are you putting her through such an expensive school?” Knowing what it means to attend a good and desirable school and how it affects one’s entire future, I didn’t listen to them. To prevent any difficulties, I even provided her with regular financial support for the first year or two of her university education (she probably didn’t know about this; I mostly discussed financial matters with her mother). As they saw that the poor girl was doing well and succeeding, the older family members who had been critical of her gradually started to offer their support.
What happened next? Last week, our daughter graduated. The entire family was overjoyed. Everything had been normal up until this point, and I was delighted by her success.
However, during this time, I received no invitation to the graduation ceremony, nor a single thank you. Thankfully, her mother texted me to thank me on her behalf. I told her I was happy for her daughter, that she should have been texting me, or even calling me, and that our children didn’t understand important values like loyalty. As a self-criticism about my country, I can easily say this: The vast majority of parents in Turkey don’t know how to raise their children. The parents’ socioeconomic status and education levels also influence how they raise their children. However, there’s no doubt that there’s a general problem with family education in our country. Regardless of the parents they were raised by, just look at Turkish children and German children… You’ll see the difference clearly.
I’ll leave this topic to the experts but based on my own observations and the information I’ve gathered, I’ve tried to list common mistakes and their causes below. This list could go on, but I’ll try to keep it short:
- Fulfilling all their child’s wishes, regardless of the circumstances, by saying, “I’ve suffered, so my child shouldn’t suffer,” ultimately turns a child into an insatiable, unsatisfied individual. Children raised this way eventually become lost in life.
- Some parents instill excessive self-confidence in their daughters or sons. While this is a good thing, when taken to extremes, the scales often tip the scales. Some inflate their children’s egos by saying, “You’re a lion, you’re a tiger, you won’t bow to anyone no matter what, you’re the best, your ancestors were like this, like that.” When a child faces real life, the result is disappointment and disillusionment.
- A child needs to be raised in an environment of trust. Constant unrest in the family has a very negative impact on a child’s psychology. According to my observations, there is serious unrest in most families in Turkey. Extreme examples like violence against women and children also damage a child’s psychology.
Let me give another example. I believe it was two years ago, after I gave a speech at a conference, one of the flight attendants approached me. A young woman, still in university, said, “Serhan, I’d love to work with you. Is there an internship opportunity? I’m studying Environmental Engineering at Istanbul Technical University.” I was impressed by her confidence and drive. I gave her my card and told her to email her resume. Then I enrolled her in the internship program. After interning with us for about a year, she suddenly disappeared one day. When human resources contacted her, she sent them a two-line email informing them that she’d started working at Turkey’s largest energy company (with the highest installed capacity). We never heard from her again.
A few months ago, after speaking at another conference, she approached me, and the following exchange took place:
– Serhan, I was your intern, remember me?”
– Yes, aren’t you the intern who left without any notice or even a thank you?”
– Excuse me, I’m young. I made that mistake in my excitement.” I got this job because of you.
– It’s good that you realized your mistake. I hope you’re happy where you are.
– Yes, I’m happy because of you. Thank you again.
A photo from the ICCI conference I moderated, where this conversation took place with my former intern.
Afterward, he gave me his business card, and I wished him success. This intern had at least acknowledged his mistake and sincerely apologized. That was enough for me, and I want him to always be successful and happy in life.
I’ve said this in previous articles. I believe parenting education needs to be taken very seriously in our country, and indeed worldwide. Just as you take a driver’s license exam to drive a car, parenting education needs to be taken very seriously, and a similar system needs to be established. A system like certification, licensing, and other similar measures that ensure parents receive rigorous training before becoming parents is essential. Because the children parents raise determine the future of that country. While there are organizations like AÇEV (Medical Foundation for the Education and Development Foundation) that provide parenting education, work with sincere intentions, and make a significant effort, I believe they are simply not enough. I’m talking about ensuring that every prospective parent living within the borders of the Republic of Turkey receives training. Whatever is necessary must be done to achieve this.
I have countless examples of disloyalty and betrayal I’ve experienced. Should I tell you about the various behaviors of some of the young people we trained through our internship program (and let’s be fair, there are some very good, bright young people among them, of course), or about the villagers who betray despite earning significant income from rural development projects? Should I talk about some workers who dirty the food bowl they eat from, or about your closest relatives selling you out for their own personal gain? Should I talk about a young person you valued and trained who steals your hard work and presents it as their own project, or about the manager who gets caught stealing? We experience all of these, and of course, we pay a price.
I won’t be modest about this, but above all, the greatest loss for those who commit these betrayals is the loss of ‘me.’ My friends, colleagues, relatives, and those closest to me who have walked this path with me are well-known. I will carry them with me for the rest of my life. The rest isn’t particularly important to me. I will continue to progress and contribute on the path I know. We will continue to rise and create value together with those I wholeheartedly support.
I’m at the beginning of many things. As I understand my potential and my potential, I know I’ll be surrounded by truly loyal people. Even if I’m very successful (and I will be), I’ll always remain cautious around people, but I will continue to do good, regardless of the circumstances, without expecting anything in return.
Tag: education
