Just in case some readers haven’t heard about it, let me briefly summarize the Coldplay concert incident. On 16 July, during a Coldplay concert in Foxborough, Massachusetts, the music was paused and a popular audience interaction called “Kiss Cam”—lately also known as “JumboTron”—was introduced. During this segment, couples in the crowd were identified and shown in close-up on giant screens around the stadium, while Coldplay’s lead singer Chris Martin offered live commentary on the couples being displayed.
In the midst of all this, the camera cut to a couple embracing romantically. When they saw themselves on the big screen, they immediately pulled away from each other in panic. Chris Martin then made a joke: “They’re either having an affair, or they’re just really shy.”
The video went viral, viewed millions of times around the world and shared across social media platforms. It didn’t take long to identify who they were—and then the real drama began.
Astronomer CEO Andy Byron first released a public apology, then resigned. His wife removed his last name from her accounts and disappeared from social media. Last week, the other party involved—HR Director Kristin Cabot—also resigned. The fact that both were married, had children, and appeared to lead happy family lives only deepened the emotional impact of the scandal.
Ethical Boundaries and Mistakes in Relationships
In the aftermath, discussions erupted in both traditional and social media, particularly around workplace relationships. Drawing from my own experiences, I want to explore the ethical boundaries and common pitfalls in relationships. Let’s take it step by step:
1) Romantic Relationships in the Workplace
Personally, I don’t think it’s wise to engage in a romantic relationship at the office. That said, I know plenty of people who have done just that. If possible, avoid entering a relationship in a professional setting. But love isn’t always rational, you can’t always control who you develop feelings for. If you find yourself falling for a colleague, or attracted to someone you work with, it’s important to follow a few basic principles:
a) If either party is married, absolutely don’t have a romantic relationship (in the Coldplay case, both people involved were married). That is wrong on every level. If you’re truly serious about starting a new relationship, then end your marriage first and move forward from there.
b) If both parties are single, the more ethical path is for one of them to leave the company and find another job before starting a relationship.
Office romance becomes especially problematic when there’s a power imbalance—such as one person being the CEO and the other someone who reports directly to them in a key role. If they enter a relationship, it creates a toxic environment. And if they’re both married, it becomes doubly inappropriate.
A CEO who leverages their power to start romantic relationships with female employees creates a deeply unhealthy workplace culture. Similarly, a female executive who enters a relationship with the CEO and uses his influence for personal gain creates unfair competition within the company. The problem escalates when that woman is the head of HR—the person responsible for setting and enforcing workplace standards.
And that, in essence, is what happened at the Coldplay concert.
Let me be absolutely clear: whether you’re the company founder, the CEO, or in any other leadership role—if you feel the urge to start a relationship with someone at work (and you’re both single), the ethical move is for one of you to resign. That’s how you avoid potential fallout and conflict of interest.
2) Cheating on Your Spouse or Partner
Since I’ve never been married, I won’t pretend to be an authority on the subject—but I can say with confidence that I’ve never cheated on any of my partners. That’s why I believe cheating would never be on the table for me even if I were married. If you find yourself attracted to someone else while you’re in a relationship, you should only act on those feelings after ending the current one. To me, cheating stems first and foremost from lying to yourself—and in the long run, it destroys your self-respect. It’s essential to always stay honest and to work at it. If you can remain truthful to yourself and others, your inner light shines brighter, and you’re more likely to build the kind of life you want. That’s the foundation for a bright future.
3) Starting a New Relationship Right After an Important One Ends
In my opinion, if you’ve just come out of a relationship that truly meant something to you, don’t rush into a new one. The classic “get over someone by getting under someone else” mindset usually leads to disappointment. I believe that after ending a relationship with deep emotional investment, you should wait at least six months—ideally a full year—before starting something new. This “cleansing” period gives you the mental space to make healthier decisions going forward.
Taking time before jumping into another relationship also reinforces your self-respect. And who knows? If the bond with your previous partner was truly strong, there’s a chance you might reunite someday. But if you immediately move on to someone else, you eliminate that possibility—and you might end up losing the one person who could’ve swept you off your feet for the rest of your life.
Even if you’re heartbroken, endure the pain. Grin and bear it. Think things through. Don’t be impulsive.
4) Privacy and Security in Relationships
Never share the details of your relationship with others. That’s a sign of mutual respect. Unfortunately, in Turkey—and elsewhere too, no doubt—many men and women tend to disclose everything about 5)their relationships to friends or close circles, either to brag or to vent. This is a serious error. The intimate moments shared between two people should remain just that—between those two people.
People have often asked me about my past relationships. I’ve never shared anything, and I’ve shut down those who asked. Some even tried to provoke me with, “Come on, man, everyone talks—what are you hiding?” My response? “I’m not everyone. Sharing private moments I’ve had with someone else would disrespect that person.” And this has nothing to do with whether the experience was satisfying or not—good or bad, nothing should be shared.
There’s another dimension to this: recording private moments. Sadly, some people—both men and women—do this. If done secretly, it’s totally unacceptable. If you ever discover that someone has done this, demand they delete the footage immediately, leave the situation, and take legal action if necessary.
Even if your partner gives you permission and the recording is made in the spirit of fun or intimacy, there’s always a risk it could fall into the wrong hands in today’s digital world. It’s simply not worth the risk.
Also, in the digital world we live in, be mindful of your phone and laptop cameras. You could have a stalker or someone obsessed with you who manages to install spyware on your device without your knowledge—even remotely—and records your private moments. That’s why removing cameras from the equation is crucial when you’re in intimate settings. The best solution is to take all phones and laptops out of the bedroom entirely. If you don’t have time for that, at least put them in a drawer or under a pillow. Coming from someone with a tech background, I can say this firmly, desktop and laptop webcams, as well as phone cameras, are not to be trusted.
5) The Partner–Friend Balance
In some relationships, your partner’s friends can deeply affect your dynamics. That’s because certain men or women are way too entrenched with their friend groups—they consult them on everything and rarely make decisions independently. When every detail of your relationship is being discussed and dissected in a group setting, it creates problems. And sometimes when you catch wind of the commentary, you can’t help but think, “Seriously? That’s just absurd.”
Unfortunately, a good portion of these so-called friends operate with toxic mindsets or act in their own self-interests, steering your partner in the wrong direction. There’s even a proverb that applies well here: Through the advice they give and the influence they exert, a close friend can either make you a king or make you look like a fool.
So, let’s look at two types of toxic “friends” you should absolutely eliminate from your life. I’ll just give two examples here to keep things concise, but trust me, the list could go on and on. These examples should clear up what I mean.
Here are two kinds of toxic friends who have the potential to wreck your life:
a) The “Fake Alpha” Friend Obsessed with Dominating the Group Dynamic
In Turkey (and probably elsewhere), you sometimes see hierarchical structures even within friend groups. And in these cases, one person, especially someone with inherited wealth—tries to wield that privilege as a form of power over everyone else. They want full control and can’t stand the idea of anyone else in the group having a better situation than them. So, they use their social capital entirely to stroke their ego.
Let me paint a picture for you so it is easier to imagine:
In a women’s friend group (though the same applies to men), there’s a woman who comes from money. She’s spoiled by life’s privileges, never really worked, never created anything of value, and in her personal life she’s made zero effort to be selective or intentional. She just does whatever she wants. Then, after the age of 40, she ends up marrying her high school friend’s foreign ex-boyfriend, and the guy ends up living like a “live-in son-in-law.” (If you’re unfamiliar with the Turkish term “iç güveyi,” here’s a reference: https://tr.wikipedia.org/wiki/İç_güveyi).
This type of woman starts comparing every man her friends are dating, partnered with, or married to her foreign husband. She’ll study her friends’ boyfriends closely, analyze their lifestyle choices, and then report back to her husband with comments like “you should be more like him,” or “why don’t you do this?” If one of her friends ends up with a man who has unique qualities—charisma, success, ambition—she absolutely can’t stand it. It eats her up inside.
Now, it’s not hard to look better than a freeloading foreign husband who does very little, sits around the house all day, and lives off his father-in-law’s assets (the house, the yacht, the car, etc.). But when one of her friends genuinely falls in love with a guy who brings something to the table, it makes her deeply uncomfortable. She gets triggered by the contrast—because now someone in her group has something she doesn’t.
The Brainwashing Machine
Driven by jealousy, this woman constantly badmouths her friend’s boyfriend, offering the harshest criticisms. She practically brainwashes her friend. Normally, because the woman is in love with her boyfriend, she doesn’t take it too seriously. But during rough patches in the relationship, this “fake alpha” woman—who’s positioned herself as the group leader—starts to influence her deeply. She feeds her friend trashy narratives like “he’s just using you” or “this guy is obsessed,” even when there’s no basis for these claims.
She discredits the boyfriend’s positive traits, makes wildly inaccurate analyses, and because no one is there to challenge her, she poisons her friend’s mind with toxic ideas. She paints a version of reality that’s completely divorced from the truth and the mutual feelings involved. Worse yet, she manipulates her into taking actions she normally never would, even encouraging her to make serious decisions she’ll likely regret.
Now, let me be clear on why I keep calling this woman a ‘fake alpha.’ It’s because she’s never worked properly in her life. She’s never produced anything. She has no real grasp of how life works. She only gives off the illusion of being a strong woman because she leans on daddy’s money and social clout. She tries to impress the other women in her group with that illusion.
But real strong women don’t look like this at all. There are countless incredible women out there carrying life’s burdens on their shoulders—working, creating, serving as the backbone of their families, inspiring everyone around them. These are the true strong women.
This “fake alpha,” despite her difficult and often insufferable personality, has somehow convinced the rest of her group to buy into her illusion. They’ve built their own alternate reality around it.
If you’ve got a woman like this in your friend group, sever those ties immediately. The warped worldview she tries to impose on you can deeply affect your life, alter your path, and possibly lead to personal collapse.
b) The Sneaky Imitator Friend Whose Real Goal Is to Drag You Down to Her Level: This type of friend is equally dangerous. To help you picture her, let me describe the profile. Imagine a woman who constantly imitates another woman in her friend group—everything she does, she copies. Meanwhile, her own personal life is a complete mess. After ending a marriage of over ten years to someone who could only be described as a ‘monstrosity of a man’ (hilkat garibesi—see https://tr.wiktionary.org/wiki/hilkat_garibesi if you’re unfamiliar with the term), she starts sleeping with a different man practically every week.
Her goal in imitating her friend? Either to one-up her, or if that fails, to pull her down to her own level so things feel ‘even.’ That’s the foundation of her psychology. That’s why she always wants to be close to how she mirrors her constantly. And this is also why she constantly tries to persuade her friend to break up with her exceptional boyfriend. She knows she’ll never reach his level, so she wants to sabotage the relationship.
The moment the boyfriend tells her friend he wants to end things; it’s her moment to strike. All the subtle manipulation she’s been doing throughout the relationship now turns into full-on brainwashing. She pushes her friend to start dating a sleazy, low-tier man—motivating her, encouraging her, trashing the ex with false accusations.
Once her friend begins a relationship with this fraud—a man who’s low-class, deceitful, and constantly putting on a show to appear superior—this sneaky imitator breathes a huge sigh of relief. She’s satisfied. And, of course, she’s one of the first to publicly congratulate her on social media. Mission accomplished: she’s successfully dragged her friend down to her level.
If you have a friend like this—one who mimics you constantly—build a wall between you. Don’t let her get close. Know that anything you share about your personal life will eventually be used against you. Her motivation isn’t your well-being—it’s her own selfish need for satisfaction.
Now that we’ve gotten those gloomy examples out of the way, let me lift your spirits with two examples of truly good friends, the kind worth keeping in your life:
c) The friend who genuinely wants the best for you and guides you toward the difficult but right path: Friends in this category truly care about your well-being. There aren’t many people like this left today. A friend like this will always encourage you to take the harder, but necessary, path when facing difficult decisions.
Let me paint a picture so you can better imagine this type of person:
A woman breaks up with her boyfriend of three years. One of her closest friends gives her the following advice: “Don’t even think about jumping into a rebound relationship. Don’t pollute your soul like that. Let things flow. To overcome this negative experience, you have to let time do its work. Time heals all wounds. In time, you’ll forget about this and make healthier choices. Don’t start a relationship out of revenge, or to make the other person jealous or regretful. That will only lead you into situations you’ll deeply regret. You’ll end up hurting both your soul and your body. Your trauma will only deepen. Stay clean. Wait until someone comes along who truly feels right to you.”
If you have friends who give you solid guidance like this, keep them close. Support each other in hard times, be there for each other, and never take their presence for granted.
d) The friend who wants what’s best for you and can give spot-on insight because they come from real-life experience: You might come across people like this in the most unexpected places. For example, in Turkey, I know how important the manicure and pedicure routine is for many women. Some women even go weekly, and over time they become close with their manicurist. These manicurists, who’ve met all kinds of people and come from real life, can sometimes give incredibly accurate insights.
They can sense people’s true intentions, emotions, and thoughts, and offer you an objective view of your situation. And though they may speak in their own style, their advice can be difficult to apply but deeply rewarding in the end. One might say something like, “Sis, just be patient. The man you love loves you too.” If you have people like this in your life—whether it’s your manicurist, your driver, your doorman, whoever—they are good-hearted and principled people. Keep them close.
For example, my driver has been with me for nearly 20 years. Because I know he always has my best interests at heart, I sometimes ask for his opinion on certain matters.
6) Confidence in relationships
Sometimes you meet someone who, on paper, seems to have it all—beautiful or handsome, well-educated, from a good family, with a great circle of friends (even their friends’ partners are decent people), successful in their career, and so on. But if that person behaves inconsistently in a relationship or keeps getting involved with people below their own level, especially if they can’t handle being with someone who has more to offer—that’s a sign of a confidence issue. Confidence is fundamental in a healthy personality. To build real confidence, one must put in the work. For example, going to therapy to understand the root of the issue and resolve it. Confidence is essential for long-term, stable relationships.
7) One-night stands
I don’t recommend one-night stands. Even if it’s just for a night, intimacy creates a union of souls—it can go as deep as an exchange of DNA on a spiritual level. What you may think of as just ‘fun’ can end up destabilizing your emotional world or cause you to absorb the other person’s emotional baggage. And honestly, except for immature boys who brag about their body count, I don’t believe anyone truly finds lasting joy in one-night stands. The emotional and physical intimacy that grows out of a meaningful relationship is far richer and more fulfilling than any fleeting hookup.
8) Family always comes first
No matter your position or what kind of relationship you’re in, family should always be your top priority. If you have children, a spouse, parents, or any family members who have invested in you (for me, that includes my grandmother and my aunt), cherish them. Keep them front and center in your life. Here’s a simple example: Let’s say you’re recently divorced and excited about starting a new relationship. But then your child suddenly needs something important at home. Postpone the date if you must—just be sure to be there for your child.
9) Becoming whole with your partner
In this life, you may only experience a relationship where you feel truly complete. If you ever find that person, never let them go. Even if they leave you, don’t give up—wait. If you feel that you’ve found your soulmate, that you’ve achieved true soul-level harmony, then even if you break up, make sure to give it time. Because if that person truly is your soulmate, they will come back to you despite all the negativities. As I mentioned earlier, this waiting period should be at least a year in my opinion. And if you’ve shared such extraordinary feelings with someone, they’re worth waiting even longer for. Rushing into another relationship just because you say, “I can’t take this heartbreak anymore, let me move on and forget them,” can be the biggest mistake of your life. Because by letting someone else enter the picture, you may lose your soulmate for good. The innocence of the relationship is lost.
And when you realize you’ve lost them completely, lying to others—or to yourself—won’t help. Because deep down, you’ll know you let go of the one person who could have made your heart soar, and you’ve ended up with people who will never come close to replacing them. Worse yet, under the influence of emotional instability or misguided advice from friends, you might find yourself entangled with malicious or deceitful people. At that point, you won’t feel like you’ve just gotten off a horse, you’ll feel like you’ve gotten on a hyena or a jackal (I’m not even saying donkey, because a donkey is a gentle animal). For the rest of your life, that thought might sting. And no matter how much of a ‘strong woman’ or ‘strong man’ image you try to project, it won’t change what’s in your heart. What’s lost is lost.
Only you know your own truths. And when you’re alone in the evening, facing those truths, sometimes you’ll feel the urge to cry out loud. But when you step outside, you’ll hold your head high, trying not to show it.
Every time you see that person or remember them, your heart will ache. And trying to ease that pain by acting too quickly will only lead to more mistakes.
10) ‘Like’ attracts ‘like’
Mutual goodwill and a similar level of education are important. If one person is kind-hearted and the other acts like a predator, that relationship will eventually fall apart where it’s weakest. All it takes is for the goodwill to be exploited.
Likewise, the educational background of both partners matters. If one person has a more provincial mindset while the other has had an international education, the gap between them will eventually show. It’s especially evident during travel. Even if someone lacking the proper background manages to hide it for a while or tries to present a different image, eventually their lack of refinement becomes obvious. And that creates discomfort. For the balance of the relationship, this matters.
11) Don’t sweat the small stuff—focus on the big picture
If you truly love someone—so much that you feel like they were made just for you—stop sweating the small stuff. Focus on the big picture. Think about how they make you feel, and the life you could build together. Everything else is noise. So even if you’ve been apart for a while, continue to stand by your man or woman no matter what. During the relationship, don’t let petty arguments or insignificant issues erode what you have. Don’t wear it down. Let a good relationship flow naturally. And even if that flow gets disrupted, believe that it can return to its course, and everything can get back on track.
12) Your Partner’s Potential
One of the most important criteria to consider in a partner is their potential. If they haven’t yet reached a concrete point in the area that matters most to you, but you can clearly see the potential in them, then that’s the right person. For example, if you say, “I want him to be a good father to my children,” then you should observe how he treats children and animals. If he genuinely loves kids and animals, takes good care of his own pet, and shows sensitivity toward education, he’s the right man. Or if your priority is financial stability— “I want him to be well off, to give me a good life, to live the way we dream”—then look at his talents and character first. Is he generous? Does he have a giving nature? He doesn’t have to be wealthy at this very moment; he might even be going through financial difficulties. But if he’s skilled and has a solid foundation—say, an entrepreneurial spirit—and still behaves generously with what little he has, that too is a good sign. On the flip side, there are men with money (often earned through shady or illegal means) who are miserly despite their wealth. If you already see signs of stinginess, that man is not the right person. Even if he has money, he won’t share it with you later, you’ll feel his stinginess everywhere. You may initially celebrate that you ‘married rich,’ but soon after, you’ll face serious hardship.
Also evaluate your partner’s potential beyond character—assess their capacity to get things done. If they’re not in a good place financially but are savvy and visionary, it’s clear they’ll eventually get their life back on track. If you find yourself saying, “This guy will bounce back and be successful,” then again, he’s probably the right person for you. Conversely, if you’re with someone who is rich but has only ever done one type of work—work that has no future in a country like Turkey—and you’re not even sure how he made his money (was it legitimate? Was there money laundering involved?), then that wealth would inevitably crumble. The rosy picture he paints will eventually fade. That’s why when assessing a partner, you must look at their true potential.
13) Your Partner Should Be a Good Person
Pay close attention to your partner’s character. Not the kind of superficial or performative goodness, but true inner decency. This may not seem crucial in the beginning, but having a partner with genuinely good character will give you a huge advantage at unexpected moments. It will help revive your relationship during critical periods and provide energy when you need it most.
14) A Partner for Better and Worse
There’s a familiar phrase in wedding vows: “In sickness and in health, for better or worse.” This matters just as much in real life. While it’s essential that you can have fun and share good times with your partner, it’s just as important that you can stand by each other in tough times. Even during the good times, you’ll feel something is missing. And when bad times do eventually come around, everything could fall apart.
15) At the Core: Shared Values and Vision
When choosing a life partner, it’s essential to find someone who shares your values and has a similar vision for the future. Let me give you a personal example to illustrate. I simply cannot be with someone whose core values are built around material wealth. Yes, financial security is important to maintain a certain standard of living, but there are far more important values in life: compassion, conscience, creativity, authenticity, courage, accountability, reliability, empathy, loyalty, curiosity, and self-growth. When it comes to vision, again using myself as an example: I’ve built my life around sustainability. So, the person I want to build a future with should embrace the same concepts I dream of realizing—like self-sustaining buildings. Similarly, starting a family is very important to me. I will choose someone as my life partner whom I can build a beautiful family with and raise children in the best possible way together.
I’m sharing all of this as someone who’s had many different life experiences. Nobody’s perfect; we all make mistakes. What matters is recognizing those mistakes and correcting them. But don’t make the kind of mistake that takes you to a point of no return. That’s when your life can spiral in a direction you never wanted and end in collapse. It’s crucial to read what’s happening around you with care. Surround yourself with people who guide you in the right direction—this can make all the difference in shaping your destiny the way you want.
The Importance of Willpower
Having willpower is also incredibly important. On this subject, one of the most meaningful quotes—spoken centuries ago by the famous Sufi mystic, scholar, and philosopher Hacı Bektaş Veli, whom I greatly admire and enjoy reading—still holds true:
“Control your hands, your loins, and your tongue.”
If you can master your willpower, you’ll be able to overcome all obstacles in the long run and eventually reach the future you’ve always dreamed of. A lack of willpower, on the other hand, can trap you in a vicious cycle that’s nearly impossible to escape. That’s why it’s essential to hold on to your willpower no matter the circumstances. In my view, willpower is the foundation of everything.
Finally, I want to say that I have a clear conscience when it comes to my past relationships—because in everything I did, I weighed my actions against my conscience. And I will continue to do so going forward. Yes, I’ve made mistakes at times, but as soon as I became aware of them, I made the effort to correct them immediately. I’ve always tried to shape my life with good intentions. One of my strongest traits is acting with empathy and thinking of the other person. Sometimes, even knowing that it would hurt the other person deeply, I didn’t hesitate to do what I thought was right—because I chose the difficult but correct path to allow life to flow in a better direction over time. If, in doing so, I’ve ever upset or hurt anyone, I sincerely ask for their forgiveness. But know this: in every decision I made, I always considered the well-being of those who would be affected. If you objectively analyze the details, you’ll understand that better.
Eagles Fly High
To those who have criticized me with bad intentions or acted out of self-interest, misleading others and affecting the course of their lives, I only have this to say:
“May God deal with you as He sees fit.”
And let me respond to such people with an analogy involving the eagle and the crow: The only bird that dares to peck at an eagle is the crow. It perches on the eagle’s back and pecks at its neck. But the eagle doesn’t respond. It doesn’t fight the crow or waste time or energy on it. Instead, the eagle spreads its wings and soars high into the sky. The higher the flight, the harder it becomes for the crow to breathe. Eventually, the lack of oxygen forces the crow to fall away.
(See: https://www.instagram.com/p/DMf4O-5Rbce/?img_index=6&igsh=MWRkdnM2d2Q4amQxdw%3D%3D)
From the bottom of my heart, I thank my entire family, my friends, my loved ones, my collaborators, and everyone else who has supported me throughout my life. There’s a long journey ahead, and I hope to share all my future successes—and the contributions I plan to make to my country, my people, and humanity—with the family I look forward to building in the near future.
I also hope all my readers who approach my articles with good intentions will be blessed with relationships that lay the groundwork for the kind of life that makes them happy.
Stay well and stay happy.
