Have you ever been bullied and couldn’t resist because you were too weak? It happened to me. Let me tell you.
One summer, my father rented a summer house in Tuzla. If I remember correctly, I was around 8 or 9. My twin brother and I quickly bonded with the other kids at the summer house. There was also a sports club, which I vaguely remember now. We’d go there together occasionally.
It was a strange summer vacation for us. The kids in the neighborhood were lovely, and we made good friends, but we didn’t like the location of the house and the summer house. I saw a bat in that house for the first time in my life. Don’t ask me how bats can come out of a house. They did in that luxurious villa-style house. Dozens of them.
One day, I left our house again and headed to the club near the summer house. This time, my brother Baran wasn’t with me. While I was walking alone, a motorcyclist approached me. The man on the motorcyclist, in his late-20s or early-30s, asked me, “Where are you going?” I replied, “The club.” “Hop on, if you want, I’ll take you,” he said.
Don’t immediately say, “He’s a kid, what does he understand?” I was a child who was aware of many things from a young age. It was interesting how I could grasp certain events so quickly, almost like an adult.
I thought about this question for a moment. After quickly analyzing the situation, I realized I had only 10 minutes to walk to the club, but it would take two minutes on the motorcycle, and since I was in our neighborhood, there wouldn’t be any problems. So, I climbed on.
The motorcycle initially went straight, and when it reached the intersection, it took a wrong turn. I noticed this immediately and shouted after him, “You’re going the wrong way.” When I didn’t get a response, I shouted three more times in a row, even yelling, “Let me get off!” I saw that the guy was going crazy, I couldn’t tell where he was going, so I threw myself off the motorcycle. Of course, when he jumped off at that speed, I rolled on the ground and then got back up immediately. The motorcycle stopped, then started toward me. I raised my hand and asked, “Why are you going the wrong way?” He grabbed me by the neck and pulled me toward the motorcycle. I tried to hit him, but it wasn’t possible; I was reaching the man’s waist; I didn’t have the strength. Finally, he pinned my head against the back of the motorcycle and, with a single swipe, ripped the gold necklace, an heirloom, from my neck. Then he threw me back to the ground, jumped on his motorcycle, and sped away.
Jewelry Allergy and the ‘Hulk Effect’
I ran back home immediately. My mother met me at the door. I remember hugging her, tearfully saying, “They took my father’s necklace from me,” and explaining the incident. Naturally, my mother asked, “Never mind the necklace, son. We’ll get a new one. Did anything happen to you?” She relented when I told her I’d fallen twice, but nothing was wrong.
In fact, I can say that this incident left two psychological scars on me that still affect me. First, I can’t wear jewelry. Although I don’t generally like jewelry, I even get annoyed when I wear a watch.
The second is what I call the ‘Hulk Effect.’ For those who don’t know what the Hulk is, let me explain. The Hulk is the fictional character of a famous comic book series published by Marvel Comics. Doctor Bruce Banner, an ordinary human, transforms into the Hulk, a green giant, when he feels his life is in danger or becomes extremely angry (see the image below).
Of course, I don’t transform into the Hulk, but I hate physical confrontation and avoid it as much as possible. When I’m truly hurt or feel cornered and have no other choice, I enter a different dimension. My vision suddenly goes blank. The aftermath isn’t always good for the other party. The attacker is often physically injured and often ends up on the ground.
Let no one misunderstand. I didn’t initiate any of these fights. For example, in one, while walking outside school, some young men from Tarabya taunted my friend and pulled a knife on him. In another, which occurred during my high school years, when I was just 60 kilos, a 120-pound (I’m not exaggerating) friend nicknamed ‘Bear,’ who was at least 20 cm taller than me, double-crossed me from behind during a soccer game. When I reacted with, “How dare you interfere, you’re going to break my leg,” he said, “Mind your own fucking business!” and pushed me hard, which caused my head to hit the ground. That guy was seriously devastated. Afterward, our gym teacher called us over. I remember he didn’t believe in fighting because of the weight difference between us. He pointed to the kid who had come back from the infirmary with Bandages and tampons over his mouth and nose and asked, “Did you do this?” When I shook my head, he laughed and said, “Make up.” (Frankly, I didn’t expect this reaction from our teacher either. But I figured I must have used my usual gentlemanly demeanor at school.) My twin brother Baran and I had faced another incident: http://serhansuzer.com/tr/ikizim-baranla-haksizliga-karsi-sirt-sirta-kavgamiz
What can the defenseless do?
I’m writing this for the following reason. First, I’m sure many parents who have experienced something bad happening to their own children or feel threatened by it can experience the same Hulk effect. Second, when I engage in a fight, I truly enter another dimension. I believe this is subconsciously due to the helplessness I experienced as a child and my physical inadequacy.
Thank God, as an adult, I’ve become physically capable of anything and can protect myself and those around me. But what about the millions of children, women, the elderly, and people with disabilities living in our country?
It’s horrific that these people are attacked, beaten, or abused by perverts, thieves, and vandals because of their physical disabilities. Personally, I’m outraged every day when I see news of attacks like the girl kicked on the bus or the abuse of a disabled girl in the media. We can’t do anything, and this helplessness makes me even sadder.
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you’re not only physically attacked, but also verbally. This is a common occurrence for me: people can unfairly criticize or make negative judgments about me due to prejudices, misunderstandings, or disinformation. Once they truly get to know me, their behavior has always turned positive. For example, at conferences I give, although rarely, some people assault me with questions. I try to answer as patiently, accurately, and clearly as I can. Some people even come to me and apologize after such behavior.
I’ll be turning 39 this weekend. Even at this age, people can experience traumatic events in their professional and personal lives. You can sleepless nights for days, and you can feel very sad. In the end, you just say, “May everything be for the best,” and move on. Life goes on. You just go with the flow.
However, the traumas that are the real reason I wrote this article are unfortunately not as easily overcome as these kinds of periodic problems. I’ve described the scars I have from an attack I experienced as a child. Even this trauma I experienced pales in comparison. Yes, I’m talking about the children and women who have been subjected to far worse things. Can you imagine their mental state? How can they overcome this trauma? It’s very difficult. Even if they undergo serious therapy throughout their lives, they will unfortunately carry that burden somewhere in their minds. Many of them are already unable to adapt to normal life and live as lost souls.
Legislative Proposal and Reactions
Unfortunately, not only are the necessary measures not being taken in this regard, but on the contrary, actions are being proposed that will only increase and spread this culture of aggression. I’m talking about the sexual abuse law, as it’s commonly known, that was attempted to be passed last Friday (you can read the related news at http://www.hurriyet.com.tr/index/cinsel-istismar ).
To put it bluntly, no one was satisfied with this bill. It was a completely wrong proposal in every respect and unbecoming of us. Fortunately, as I write these lines, news has come that the proposal has been withdrawn from the committee. This is certainly a positive development, but such regulations should never be brought up again. Because if the law had been enacted in its current form, attacks on many minors would have increased, and then the victim and their families would have been pressured to marry.
There have been thousands of negative comments about the proposed law regarding marriage to the attacker. I don’t want to go into detail here and demean the situation. I simply want to emphasize that, as a Turkish citizen, we are absolutely against such laws, that unfortunately, the crime rate in Türkiye is rapidly increasing, and that something must be done about it. Otherwise, the law of the jungle will continue to operate, and everyone will have to fend for themselves. Just like what’s happening in this news article: http://www.hurriyet.com.tr/kizini-istismar-eden-genci-oldurdu-40284581#comments
Finally, I’d like to remind you that, as a private citizen, I participated in the relevant Change.org campaign, and that, like us, the number of signatures has reached nearly 1 million: https://www.change.org/p/cinsel-istismar-ma%C4%9Fduru-tecav%C3%BCzc%C3%BCs%C3%BCyle-evlendirabilirsiniz-tecav%C3%BCzme%C5%9Frula%C5%9Ft%C4%B1r%C4%B1lamaz?recruiter=52393118&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_term=mob-xs-petition_update-no_msg This and similar intense public reactions give the commission ample insight into the sensitivity the withdrawn proposal has created across the country. Considering this reality, increasing measures that protect the real victims, not the bullies, and that safeguard the safety of the vulnerable, not the perpetrators, would be in the best interest of the entire country.
Stay well.
Tag: lifestyle
